not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
