dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
