Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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