OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
