i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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