Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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