is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
