A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
