Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize