She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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