We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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