How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
