This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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