I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
