i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
