Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
