I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
