Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will pee on everything he values.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
