some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
