I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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