the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
