I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
