1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
