Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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