You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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