She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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