her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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