If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
