I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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