If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
