I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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