@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
