There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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