that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
