i don't like sucking hair
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
