hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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