He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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