How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
