I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
