also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
