she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
