Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
