his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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