Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
