Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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