The maid of honor just puked.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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