nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
