mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
