So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
