I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
