I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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