I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
