Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
