I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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