too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
