cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
