I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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