maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
