The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
