She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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