well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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