My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
