Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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