Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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