Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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