FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
