You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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