I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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