I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
