The maid of honor just puked.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
